Hot Mess

I wonder if other people look at their friends every once and awhile just to see if anything has changed. Like looking at my group of friends that I hang out with, everyone is so unique and different. All are exceptional in their respective fields of geology, and all are exceptionally different. I'm going to assume that their uniqueness is what makes them tick, what makes them good scientists, good students, and essentially good friends. Everyone knows that the world is full of unique people, but I think it's the true eccentricities that make it to graduate school and into academia. I'm not sure what it is about "intellectuals", but I have the feeling that they are truely a breed of their own.

Here's a couple of case studies:
Val. Val. Wow, what to say, what to say. Val is probably one of the most complex people that I know. Originally meeting Val and getting to know her was painful. Painful probably to the point where I didn't really want to be around her. Actually I didn't even like her. She drove me NUTS. She doesn't know how to turn off. She's constantly on talk... except when she isn't. When Val doesn't want to talk, you will know. Aside from the constant garble that comes from her mouth, she is one of the most considerate, understanding people that you could ever hope to be your friend. She understands that everyone has their own needs, their own battles, their own fears. And she respects everyone for their own-ness. She's always got your back, you just have to get to "true" Val before you let her.

Mary was probably one of the most over-thought-out friends of mine. I was always wondering what made her tick, and all that. I have to thank Kayla for my friendship with Mary. I'm not sure exactly what it is about Kayla that she sees how awesome everyone is, but Kayla can see into peoples' hearts and minds. She finds true friends and true people and loves them. I don't know how she does it, but Kayla opened my eyes up to Mary. Initially I got the impression from Alex that she's a "weirdo" and lesbian. Both things, in context could have thrown me for a real loop, but Mary is nice enough and open enough that I figured, eh, why not? I'll make friends if she's cool, and won't if she's not. And she's becoming a better and better friend every day. We support each others' working out habits and swimming. I'm sure she has her own battles, fears and "no-go zones" to deal with. But she lets you know that you are welcome into her life. And being welcome, that's a beautiful thing too.

Taking a Stand

After careful contemplation of my life, I've realized that I do a lot of things so as to not piss other people off. I think I'd rather do things for me for awhile. I realize there is some guilt and responsibility with interacting with other people and I think I'd like to shake that up a bit. I know that I do a TON of things just for me, and I'd like to see how different that would be if I was purposely doing things ONLY for me for a week or two. And then switch it up. Do a LOT of things for other people. I don't want to do this to change relationships with my friends and family, but I think it would be cool to see exactly where I draw the line between doing things for others and doing things for me. I could even look at the short-term vs. long term desires. Some things good for me now probably won't be good for me in the future and some things bad for me now, may be good for me later in life. I guess it'll be an experiment in re-invention.

I think that it will also involve more thinking on my part. What is good for me right now? What isn't? What's my cost benefit? That's quite an analytical way to look at life. Maybe after I do all the thinking, I'll just do what comes to my head and intuitively do that. How different would my life be?